It's Been a Long Day

Tabi's not talking particularly much. Partly because she's worried about me and doesn't want me to be "troubled" with what's bothering her, from what I understand. Not sure what it all is, though I have definite suspicions. Personally, I wish she would talk. For all I know it's less trouble on me this way, but it's not the way we agreed to do things. I may not be good at opening up and sharing, but I really do try.

Ah. Well.

The day started really well. I felt good, went to class, was set to be productive. Talked to Tabi around lunch and all was well.

And that was about the time I got the call saying my Grandmother had died last night.

It's probably unrelated to how I had trouble sleeping. But all the same, it's been bugging me. I wasn't close to her, and part of me is extremely agitated that it isn't hurting me worse than it is. She'd been ill a long time, dementia for about a year; she didn't recognize her own grandchildren. Sometimes, her own children. So, in a lot of ways, I suppose everyone is looking at it as a relief. Leave the hospital care in the institution and the discomfort and confusion, go to heaven.

But what the hell is heaven, anyway?

I was religious when I was young. It's what I was taught. Now... I believe in spiritual things. I find it very likely there's more. But I don't know for sure. It's troubling and... a little depressing. I don't need more on my mind. I don't need to feel this tired again, like I really just want to be alone, and sleep. But at least it's not stopping me from wanting to do my work too this time. But I know it's not good for me.

Tabi helped a lot. I almost hit slump earlier and she set me on the right track, I got to enjoy myself a little today.

But...

I dunno. I think tomorrow will be better. Soon as I help her relax and let whatever this is off her chest.

We'll see soon, I guess.

Good night.