Today

Hard to think of something to write today. Another bad day, I guess.

The second Superman movie was not nearly so bad as the first. Or at least, it felt a lot better. I could have done without watching the villain's blow down the street for two whole minutes because the new director kept coming up with three second wind related gags he thought were terribly witty.

I'm also starting to wonder what to do about things. Problems I'd thought we'd found solutions for. Not solved yet, but... I thought resolution was in sight. I was really hoping it was, for her sake. I know I've got a lot on my plate, and I worry a lot. And then have issues dealing with stress and with depression and any number of other things, but usually if I can clear my head, or the pressure is really on... I've always had luck finding something to work on, to push forward. Accomplish something. Make things better a little bit at a time. Agonizing over things instead of trying to change what you can is just torturing yourself after all, right? Not that it'll stop me but... I feel wrong, just sitting and focusing on it. Yet the steps I'd thought we had seem like they might not work. Or are getting picked at and apart. It seems that way anyhow. I really start to hate myself sometimes when I talk to her and it feels like she's waiting for me to say some one, specific thing that could set it all right, desperately... and I'm far too lost to have a concept just what those words could be.

That's a silly idea, I know. I can't read minds, and nothing's as simple in solution as that.

I'd love to know those words though.

I just need to keep moving forward. I've got directions, and little things that can help. If it's all I have time to do all day, I need to make sure I accomplish those, and take my time to try and talk to her about what worries her- try to help her let it out and get things off her chest, to make sure she relaxes some and keeps on her tasks like I know she can do (and does incredibly under even the worst of conditions as long as she clears her head), and maybe make her smile a little. I adore her smiles.

I hope that little star I used to follow will come back soon.