You know the feeling you get after a long day, when you want to vegetate in front of the TV? Never what I want to do, but for most, I figure that's it, it seems to be how my family functions. When your brain starts to shut down and doesn't want to move of compute the things you show it. That's where I feel like I am. It doesn't happen every night, or even most nights, at least not enough to complain of, but I really ,really don't like it. And it's happening tonight. It could be that I've spent most of the day working, but I like to think that can be done like this without the brain resisting functioning further. Perhaps it's how I'm handling something. In any case, I do think I want to hit the sack decently early tonight and take the melatonin. Don't want to wake up at 5-something again, though I suppose tomorrow that'd be okay as long as I stayed up. Come to think of it, maybe sleep interruptions have to do with it. Not sleeping soundly, lacking staying power to do the entire day instead of just the greater chunk, which I do manage okay.
Today I saw the counselor. It was mostly a background check, running questions of how I saw myself, what my family was like, the very basics. I went with it, and tried to tangent (responsibly) to give her a feel of how my mind runs around things. I figure I can't shield her too much from the chaos or it'll sorta kill the point. This is supposed to help me self-analyze and relax/put my thoughts in order, right? Isn't that what a therapist is for?
She at least seems generally understanding and patient. It's a nice change of pace- a lot of people I know really honestly want to help, but most are strongly biased by their own life experiences or preferences or impatient, and give advice I know is bad from the get go because they don't stop long enough to see that they're offering vicarious solutions, rather than really giving me help. At least that's how it feels sometimes. I don't blame them for it, but that's how it seems. People are people, and not everyone can stop and internalize things the way Tabi and I tend to. Probably more productive not doing so, like I'd probably be if I didn't... but I know I'd feel dissatisfied and curious and bored if I tried to stop. I may be lazy, but there's always more than a top layer, and there's always some way that they fit together. It's fun to take a glance and try to get a general idea of the way things work.
Maybe that's part of my problem. I never get that interest in really truly, deeply understanding the depths of one single thing or system. I like to learn the basics of all of them if I can. Which you'd think could offer a lot of good use, but it doesn't really seem to carry much of a job market. Granted, my best skillset seems to be helping others get the most out of their own as a kind of... I dunno, more team-leader than manager, I guess. And generally I think those just wind up being whoever steps up, in a group of people with a relevant expertise. Because why pay some Joe Shmoe without any hard, impressive proof he can help you, right? Just push the people you have to fill in that job slot. I wonder if it works as well that way. Or if they really do hire people just for that. I suppose I should check it out. Shame I never feel satisfied with job descriptions when I try and figure out what a job entails.
Anywho. That's my line of thought. It went well, and got some things off my chest (nothing I haven't talked about with Tabi a hundred times, but extra ears I guess) and got me considering that kind of stuff.
Points of excitement for today: Tabi seriously looks like she's getting that new job, with significant ups in pay, much less driving, and more hours! Plus it's something she loves. Fantastic. <3
Also, Four Days~
...I should really be able to write that without wanting to bounce in my seat.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty
Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty Kitty!
Yay!
So, the count down is currently five- five, ah-ah-ah- days until my kitten arrives. Four until she leaves unfortunately, due to long trip. If I could somehow switch that around so she'd get here before she started driving here it'd be great though. Even though I imagine that would make some kind of horrible mind-rending hiccups in the fabric of space-time. As I wonder why it's considered a fabric. I mean, fabric is generally used for clothing, and furniture. Are we considered to be sitting and taking our leisure upon space time? The very grounds of our perception of things, the two aspects of the human understanding of reality without which any ideas begin to crumble or became extremely vague and philosophical, if we manage to avoid letting them simply become empty or inducing of headaches. I suppose the headaches part is non-exclusive though. Or maybe just that we dress all the information and experience seamlessly into the fashion of space-time in order to give it an easy, pleasant face, accessibility and uniformity, the suit and tie of all experience and knowledge, draped about reality like the very finest of pinstripe.
It probably has more to do with comics, really, but that's okay because comics are great too, and I'm sure given far far less credit for modern expressions than they deserve.
By the way, tangents.
I'm excited and babbling because of the imminent trip and kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty-!
That's.... probably enough of that for now.
I'd tangent more, but at the moment, my brain seems to be on loop whenever I try and stop and reflect. I could add about my continued driving, but that doesn't seem to catch my interest enough at the moment to bear mention beyond that it went okay.
Yay!
So, the count down is currently five- five, ah-ah-ah- days until my kitten arrives. Four until she leaves unfortunately, due to long trip. If I could somehow switch that around so she'd get here before she started driving here it'd be great though. Even though I imagine that would make some kind of horrible mind-rending hiccups in the fabric of space-time. As I wonder why it's considered a fabric. I mean, fabric is generally used for clothing, and furniture. Are we considered to be sitting and taking our leisure upon space time? The very grounds of our perception of things, the two aspects of the human understanding of reality without which any ideas begin to crumble or became extremely vague and philosophical, if we manage to avoid letting them simply become empty or inducing of headaches. I suppose the headaches part is non-exclusive though. Or maybe just that we dress all the information and experience seamlessly into the fashion of space-time in order to give it an easy, pleasant face, accessibility and uniformity, the suit and tie of all experience and knowledge, draped about reality like the very finest of pinstripe.
It probably has more to do with comics, really, but that's okay because comics are great too, and I'm sure given far far less credit for modern expressions than they deserve.
By the way, tangents.
I'm excited and babbling because of the imminent trip and kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty-!
That's.... probably enough of that for now.
I'd tangent more, but at the moment, my brain seems to be on loop whenever I try and stop and reflect. I could add about my continued driving, but that doesn't seem to catch my interest enough at the moment to bear mention beyond that it went okay.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Day Off
I'm taking today off. Kitty is not feeling well and stressed, so I am writing this blog as a short one and dedicating the rest of the night (mostly, I do need to slip some school work in) to kitten time, postings or movies and such. I do have a bit of my own headache and mental clarity to take care off, but my intent is kitten time primarily from here on out. So tonight's blog is gonna be a short one.
Today was a little crazy. Life decisions aren't supposed to be easy, I guess, but I figure normally they don't seem quite so rushed or compiled. Things are just accelerated more than it seems like they should be, but even while this occurs to me, I don't think they should be any slower or that any of the issues could wait. Long distance is, forgive the language, a bitch. And right now one of my foremost priorities is resolving that so we can knock off that little preamble statement to our relationship. Being able to have a little bit of my kitten every day, up close and personal, is going to be like a dream, even if the road is bumpy as hell getting there.
It's exhausting just thinking about today, but on the other hand I feel a bit of confidence. I think I'm getting a hang of some things. Remembering things, learning them.
So.... from here I guess it's just the steps forward.
Also, I need to start working out. I'm not feeling consequences of not, but I really just am not going to ever get into it if I don't hit it hard one of these days, and while stretching feels amazing my body apparently insists I either make a constant battle of it, or face the consequences, in aches and stiffness. Blugh.
Today was a little crazy. Life decisions aren't supposed to be easy, I guess, but I figure normally they don't seem quite so rushed or compiled. Things are just accelerated more than it seems like they should be, but even while this occurs to me, I don't think they should be any slower or that any of the issues could wait. Long distance is, forgive the language, a bitch. And right now one of my foremost priorities is resolving that so we can knock off that little preamble statement to our relationship. Being able to have a little bit of my kitten every day, up close and personal, is going to be like a dream, even if the road is bumpy as hell getting there.
It's exhausting just thinking about today, but on the other hand I feel a bit of confidence. I think I'm getting a hang of some things. Remembering things, learning them.
So.... from here I guess it's just the steps forward.
Also, I need to start working out. I'm not feeling consequences of not, but I really just am not going to ever get into it if I don't hit it hard one of these days, and while stretching feels amazing my body apparently insists I either make a constant battle of it, or face the consequences, in aches and stiffness. Blugh.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Challenge
So, there's a lot of debate I could bring up regarding goings on of late in the server of Minecraft I go around in. There have been a few bugs that people have carelessly let mess with other folks, and plenty of other things to discuss in way of projects, intents, and so on and so forth. At this point though I'm thinking mostly about the challenge of the game.
So I have moderator powers on this server (or at least partly so). The question is; do I use them?
I have no issues returning items people are cheated out of by glitches or teleporting around (if I can get that working again) to help people figure out the game and make decisions. The public transit system isn't done yet, but that's part of what I keep thinking.
If people could teleport or be teleported anywhere anytime they wanted... why build a public transit system? And maybe it sounds a lot better to you, to just be able to go somewhere, rather than needing to collect resources for and build a long series of rails and carts to move people across the country side to the various settlements. But fundamentally one has to think of Legos (or Megablocks and Linkin' Logs as you prefer, I had them all) when they play Minecraft. And the whole fun of it is making things. At first you just build them to make shapes that amuse you or catch your fancy. And eventually, you build on patterns, with purpose. Mimic a viable architecture, or practical solution. Depending on your pieces you made moving parts, rail systems, cranes, traps- ENTIRE MACHINES. And it was a lot of fun. That's why I play this game. A simple system, simple restrictions, open end. You move to survive. Learn the game. Pick up habits. Find preferences. Creativity takes over. You get ideas for things to build. You begin. And as you go... you let the challenge inspire you. Find better ways to do things. Edit designs. Decide if the difficulty of making it means its not worth building... or if you find a better way, or just slog through it. And in the end, you look at what all that work produced... and you're damn proud of those silly blocks. That's the fun of it.
But a lot of people in it like to spawn items, not just that are unattainable otherwise or to solve problems. Constantly. The server has expanded at an exponential rate. People joining, a lot of them. Some items spawned. Exceptions made. And then the mods for walking across the sky, the runes, and so forth...
I begin to wonder "how much is too much?" Sure, it's convenience in a game. Who should care?
But when are we killing the game for ourselves without realizing it?
God, it sounds like that whole "SCIENCE SHOULDNT PLAY GOD" argument except I don't feel retarded saying it.
Why I think it's okay for science, within moral realms, to play with nature to better humanity can come later. Whether I think people are capable of sticking within the bounds of that responsibility, I'll note, is not quite the same as whether I think it's right or wrong to do, if it can be done.
So I have moderator powers on this server (or at least partly so). The question is; do I use them?
I have no issues returning items people are cheated out of by glitches or teleporting around (if I can get that working again) to help people figure out the game and make decisions. The public transit system isn't done yet, but that's part of what I keep thinking.
If people could teleport or be teleported anywhere anytime they wanted... why build a public transit system? And maybe it sounds a lot better to you, to just be able to go somewhere, rather than needing to collect resources for and build a long series of rails and carts to move people across the country side to the various settlements. But fundamentally one has to think of Legos (or Megablocks and Linkin' Logs as you prefer, I had them all) when they play Minecraft. And the whole fun of it is making things. At first you just build them to make shapes that amuse you or catch your fancy. And eventually, you build on patterns, with purpose. Mimic a viable architecture, or practical solution. Depending on your pieces you made moving parts, rail systems, cranes, traps- ENTIRE MACHINES. And it was a lot of fun. That's why I play this game. A simple system, simple restrictions, open end. You move to survive. Learn the game. Pick up habits. Find preferences. Creativity takes over. You get ideas for things to build. You begin. And as you go... you let the challenge inspire you. Find better ways to do things. Edit designs. Decide if the difficulty of making it means its not worth building... or if you find a better way, or just slog through it. And in the end, you look at what all that work produced... and you're damn proud of those silly blocks. That's the fun of it.
But a lot of people in it like to spawn items, not just that are unattainable otherwise or to solve problems. Constantly. The server has expanded at an exponential rate. People joining, a lot of them. Some items spawned. Exceptions made. And then the mods for walking across the sky, the runes, and so forth...
I begin to wonder "how much is too much?" Sure, it's convenience in a game. Who should care?
But when are we killing the game for ourselves without realizing it?
God, it sounds like that whole "SCIENCE SHOULDNT PLAY GOD" argument except I don't feel retarded saying it.
Why I think it's okay for science, within moral realms, to play with nature to better humanity can come later. Whether I think people are capable of sticking within the bounds of that responsibility, I'll note, is not quite the same as whether I think it's right or wrong to do, if it can be done.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Quality Assurance
I eat at a college dining hall, so I have no illusions about the food being above a certain level of decency. I'm sure ours is much better than many universities have, but that only goes so far. Dinner tonight was surprisingly good. We had a special for burgers where not only did the meat seem better quality, but it wasn't grease laden and wet when it came out, but seemed like it had been grilled nicely. The veggies on top were fresh, though the Mount has always been good about that. Bacon was also of a higher caliber. And there was a delicious melted cheese with some kind of spice to it I had dripped all over it.
I wish I could tell you what kind of cheese it was, but therein lies the problem. I asked the people behind the counter and they started unabashedly guessing. No one knew it was a certain kind or type, or how they made it, or what it was like. It was just there. And so they started guessing at each other every yellow-ish cheese under the sun as if the other would know when they said the right one.
No one even thought to go ask, or look it up, or offer that.
Similarly, I went to get dessert, and was thrilled to find out that those cream pies were in fact banana (our schools banana and coconut cream pies look identical, and are never served at the same time but also never on a regular schedule that lets one predict when one or the other might be had). I was assured it was banana, so I took one, as I love the banana cream pies but can't stand coconut.
Yes. I found out it was coconut on the first bite.
Aren't people allergic to coconut? What if I had been one of them? Is it so hard to take an interest in the food you've been asked to serve enough to learn the names of what you're offering on a given day, or if you forget to go to ask someone? I've been in restaurants where the server didn't know something about a meal often enough. But they've always, ALWAYS, been willing to go ask someone for you, even the less respectable or more hurried seeming places. Can a private university's food services and student workers really have so much less respect for their jobs? I doubt the waitresses at every waffle house think of it as permanent employment, nor get paid out the ass. It's not the money that's the difference, so what? Is the school so careless and devil-may-care in putting a bit of quality and pride into their food? It's not like you can take a cab or bus out to get food elsewhere around here, you either drive fifteen minutes plus or your options are the cafeteria or scavenging a local corn field for some choice husks, assuming its even the right season. And you don't mind angry farmers driving you off however they care to.
I just don't understand how they can make college food so solidly decent and edible, but fail so tremendously about basic fundamentals of service. Is it really so unimportant?
I don't think so.
I wish I could tell you what kind of cheese it was, but therein lies the problem. I asked the people behind the counter and they started unabashedly guessing. No one knew it was a certain kind or type, or how they made it, or what it was like. It was just there. And so they started guessing at each other every yellow-ish cheese under the sun as if the other would know when they said the right one.
No one even thought to go ask, or look it up, or offer that.
Similarly, I went to get dessert, and was thrilled to find out that those cream pies were in fact banana (our schools banana and coconut cream pies look identical, and are never served at the same time but also never on a regular schedule that lets one predict when one or the other might be had). I was assured it was banana, so I took one, as I love the banana cream pies but can't stand coconut.
Yes. I found out it was coconut on the first bite.
Aren't people allergic to coconut? What if I had been one of them? Is it so hard to take an interest in the food you've been asked to serve enough to learn the names of what you're offering on a given day, or if you forget to go to ask someone? I've been in restaurants where the server didn't know something about a meal often enough. But they've always, ALWAYS, been willing to go ask someone for you, even the less respectable or more hurried seeming places. Can a private university's food services and student workers really have so much less respect for their jobs? I doubt the waitresses at every waffle house think of it as permanent employment, nor get paid out the ass. It's not the money that's the difference, so what? Is the school so careless and devil-may-care in putting a bit of quality and pride into their food? It's not like you can take a cab or bus out to get food elsewhere around here, you either drive fifteen minutes plus or your options are the cafeteria or scavenging a local corn field for some choice husks, assuming its even the right season. And you don't mind angry farmers driving you off however they care to.
I just don't understand how they can make college food so solidly decent and edible, but fail so tremendously about basic fundamentals of service. Is it really so unimportant?
I don't think so.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
I Don't Know Enough Curse Words
I really don't.
I don't generally like cursing, much as it carries a useful or profound effect at times, at least not heavily. I never used to curse much, and when I started several months ago, I dunno, it has irked me on and off since even though I've never minded others cursing. And now I've been trying to quit, but hell if I don't wish I knew double the list so I could just unload it on myself right now. Tabi is pretty furious with me, but I don't think she has what I've got against myself right this moment. It'd be pretty damned hard to, redhead or no.
Turns out I didn't lie to her, though the way she interpreted it WOULD have been a lie, I meant something completely different. Fucking language, useful and clear and everything isn't it?
I don't know why I took the damned nap to begin with. I was tired, but why? Why not just wait until midnight? I know I wanted my eyes to stop feeling slightly unfocused and to get rid of the hint of headache so I could really enjoy and have fun with her the rest of tonight. I set my alarm on high, set it for less than fifteen minutes, and I had all of maybe 5 left when she called and I let her know I was going to be leaving to eat soon and bringing my food back to write this stupid thing while I ate and then watch one of our shows with her. And I instead apparently slept through my damned alarm. And then later on she called me and when she told me it had been an hour I had been shocked- and told her I was about to leave to and such. And no damn wonder, if it had been an hour when I'd meant it to be 15 minutes, and to write the blog post. She thought I meant to run back from eating out, but I know I meant to bring the food back to do this damned thing. Why didn't I go then? I don't even know. I don't remember it so however clear I sounded I must have been boggled. And checking my texts no wonder why. I'd been getting harassed until my box was almost full of them the whole time, and texts are usually just enough to keep me from sleeping soundly without ever waking me up. That'd be why I don't feel rested, didn't respond to an alarm right, and never woke up enough to remember any of the texts or the call or anything. And no one damned knew it was causing me problems, and I was asleep, but while normally I don't know that Tabi's "wanting to wake up enough" thing works unless you've subconsciously been concerned about it to the point that'd make me a nervous wreck consistently and distinctly, for a good while ahead of time, I am more than ready to hold myself accountable to it right now.
If these school walls weren't pieces of flimsy shit I'd be punching one of them right now, but I really can't afford that kind of money to come out of my accounts if I'm going to help us get a place and move down there and everything else. So I don't know. I'm thinking of punching the freaking floor until my knuckles get sore. I'd better write this stupid thing first or I dunno what kind of state to be typing my hands would be in. The bed is the easy option, but that just wouldn't be near satisfying enough to matter.
And why did this happen? Now? After the other arguments, when we'd JUST gotten over one and been in what seemed like a really good place? I was happy with making up. And now jiaejioaetjioetwaet;
I know if I didn't have the spellcheck this post would be half unintelligible. As it is I'm just leaving the errors it doesn't give me what I want for on an auto-correct option list. I don't care enough. I'm not in the right here, so I can't ask her to forgive me, not yet anyhow, and I can't make any argument in my defense. Fucking not being on purpose by any long shot not enough to make a difference when it's something like this that I'd have known she'd be so mad about mistake or not and I'm just about ready to pull my hair out over it. Can't seem to manage to get my voice to raise over it and hell if I know why even if I normally have that issue. But my shoulders and upper back and jaw are all tensed to hell and back and aching over it, so I can tell I'd be ready to slug someone if I didn't know that I wouldn't be accomplishing anything but being a fool by knocking my head against a wall. She really does deserve better than this. And I KNOW I'm better than this. So why it even happened I'm not sure and I can't excuse. It's enough to make me as confused and agitated even know that I actually know why and how it happened that I don't even know where this sentence was going now and I can't see quite straight and I'm just ready to slam the gibberish letters across it again or say fuck-all to all of the red underlined errors being strewn up across this paragraph even worse than the others. If I didn't already think this would be a headache to read I guess I would. I don't figure I can be an ass enough to not go back and change those at least. There. And done. Even going to bother to fix the don't's, though what kind of moron would make a spell checker not even recognize that "dont'" is supposed to be, or at least could be similar to "don't" shouldn't have any business writing this kinds of thing. That can't be an uncommon typo, and why else does it look like? Dot? Donut? The hell?
My whole upper body is going to ache like the devil tomorrow, I know that much.
I don't generally like cursing, much as it carries a useful or profound effect at times, at least not heavily. I never used to curse much, and when I started several months ago, I dunno, it has irked me on and off since even though I've never minded others cursing. And now I've been trying to quit, but hell if I don't wish I knew double the list so I could just unload it on myself right now. Tabi is pretty furious with me, but I don't think she has what I've got against myself right this moment. It'd be pretty damned hard to, redhead or no.
Turns out I didn't lie to her, though the way she interpreted it WOULD have been a lie, I meant something completely different. Fucking language, useful and clear and everything isn't it?
I don't know why I took the damned nap to begin with. I was tired, but why? Why not just wait until midnight? I know I wanted my eyes to stop feeling slightly unfocused and to get rid of the hint of headache so I could really enjoy and have fun with her the rest of tonight. I set my alarm on high, set it for less than fifteen minutes, and I had all of maybe 5 left when she called and I let her know I was going to be leaving to eat soon and bringing my food back to write this stupid thing while I ate and then watch one of our shows with her. And I instead apparently slept through my damned alarm. And then later on she called me and when she told me it had been an hour I had been shocked- and told her I was about to leave to and such. And no damn wonder, if it had been an hour when I'd meant it to be 15 minutes, and to write the blog post. She thought I meant to run back from eating out, but I know I meant to bring the food back to do this damned thing. Why didn't I go then? I don't even know. I don't remember it so however clear I sounded I must have been boggled. And checking my texts no wonder why. I'd been getting harassed until my box was almost full of them the whole time, and texts are usually just enough to keep me from sleeping soundly without ever waking me up. That'd be why I don't feel rested, didn't respond to an alarm right, and never woke up enough to remember any of the texts or the call or anything. And no one damned knew it was causing me problems, and I was asleep, but while normally I don't know that Tabi's "wanting to wake up enough" thing works unless you've subconsciously been concerned about it to the point that'd make me a nervous wreck consistently and distinctly, for a good while ahead of time, I am more than ready to hold myself accountable to it right now.
If these school walls weren't pieces of flimsy shit I'd be punching one of them right now, but I really can't afford that kind of money to come out of my accounts if I'm going to help us get a place and move down there and everything else. So I don't know. I'm thinking of punching the freaking floor until my knuckles get sore. I'd better write this stupid thing first or I dunno what kind of state to be typing my hands would be in. The bed is the easy option, but that just wouldn't be near satisfying enough to matter.
And why did this happen? Now? After the other arguments, when we'd JUST gotten over one and been in what seemed like a really good place? I was happy with making up. And now jiaejioaetjioetwaet;
I know if I didn't have the spellcheck this post would be half unintelligible. As it is I'm just leaving the errors it doesn't give me what I want for on an auto-correct option list. I don't care enough. I'm not in the right here, so I can't ask her to forgive me, not yet anyhow, and I can't make any argument in my defense. Fucking not being on purpose by any long shot not enough to make a difference when it's something like this that I'd have known she'd be so mad about mistake or not and I'm just about ready to pull my hair out over it. Can't seem to manage to get my voice to raise over it and hell if I know why even if I normally have that issue. But my shoulders and upper back and jaw are all tensed to hell and back and aching over it, so I can tell I'd be ready to slug someone if I didn't know that I wouldn't be accomplishing anything but being a fool by knocking my head against a wall. She really does deserve better than this. And I KNOW I'm better than this. So why it even happened I'm not sure and I can't excuse. It's enough to make me as confused and agitated even know that I actually know why and how it happened that I don't even know where this sentence was going now and I can't see quite straight and I'm just ready to slam the gibberish letters across it again or say fuck-all to all of the red underlined errors being strewn up across this paragraph even worse than the others. If I didn't already think this would be a headache to read I guess I would. I don't figure I can be an ass enough to not go back and change those at least. There. And done. Even going to bother to fix the don't's, though what kind of moron would make a spell checker not even recognize that "dont'" is supposed to be, or at least could be similar to "don't" shouldn't have any business writing this kinds of thing. That can't be an uncommon typo, and why else does it look like? Dot? Donut? The hell?
My whole upper body is going to ache like the devil tomorrow, I know that much.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Space for Rent
Remember when I used to name these things with mildly appropriate song quotes or titles? That was a lot of fun, I kind of miss it. I just never seem to have the same luck plucking a good quote or song out of my head once I get going now. So I guess we're going with the random turn of phrase thing. Feels so random and unspectacular. Meh.
Maybe I'll compile a list of titles and quotes to use for this.
Well, some things have looked up today. The kitten and I had some arguments, but despite that we both got bent out of shape about how they happened, we resolved the argument quite quickly it seemed to me, had fun, and I think I even learned something from it. That seems to be the subject so often lately that I don't want to linger on it just too much today however. I think the important thing is that I remember what I'm taking away from it so I can do better in the future because of today. Give a little more meaning to things, I suppose; I like to think that in some vague sense everything means something, but a little help with that never hurt.
So today I got myself to talk with some of my professors, and checked out my schedule. While I'd been a little distracted and uncertain about this upcoming summer, as much as I liked the last summer session, now I think I know what I want to do with it and it makes all the difference. I'll be signing up for that Friday likely, so I can take tomorrow and Thursday to fill out the paper work and pick my classes, and then Monday I'll put in for summer employment once more so I can get first pick of the desk jobs. As long as it's some place I can read a book or do school work during the downtime, I'll love it, though a little internet access never hurt. Even if I know that I'd have to avoid using it more than barely on anything but the most dead of days.
I also got complimented by a professor. He doesn't seem like the type to flatter, though I dunno that he's hardbitten or difficult to get by, but the fact is I hadn't read the material on these things, and I'd been behind on learning the system we're using for the project, and I've been answering questions with theoretical and questions that have apparently impressed him; he not only said I seemed to be "sharp" but suggested that I might be capable, or even prefer, doing a solo experiment over a group. Now, I do ideally want to practice group dynamics and continue to improve my social skills and leadership abilities, which seem to have been on upward trend since my Freshman year of college (believe it or not, when I'm "in the zone" I'm not bad at it, unassuming or antisocial as I can be when I feel more like hermiting). But given this particular class and the experiments dynamics... I'm going to look over the assignment and make sure that I can handle the subjects, work loud, and decisions on my own. It'll be making a little more work for me, but in my experience that enjoyment and urge to take initiative far outweighs extra work for me personally, since so often it's motivation or engagement with the material more than ability that is my issue.
Engaged. That's what the other professor said; that I seemed far more engaged than I had been the past times they'd met with me. It seems good to me. That despite any issues or fights, I can trend upward. As long as I maintain that trend it could mean the world. And the funny thing is, for some reason I can't place, I am feeling more engaged. The work suddenly interested me more today than it had in the past week or two, as if someone just flipped a switch half an hour into my first class and left it up.
...now I just need to stem my fascination with the stream of movies coming out, after a discussion with Tabi earlier left me feeling a need to research everything I can about the upcoming DC and Marvel films. I should lay off on that, though it does give me other ideas; to be explored another time.
For now, I'm just tired.
Time to grab the prerequisite Z's for class tomorrow.
Maybe I'll compile a list of titles and quotes to use for this.
Well, some things have looked up today. The kitten and I had some arguments, but despite that we both got bent out of shape about how they happened, we resolved the argument quite quickly it seemed to me, had fun, and I think I even learned something from it. That seems to be the subject so often lately that I don't want to linger on it just too much today however. I think the important thing is that I remember what I'm taking away from it so I can do better in the future because of today. Give a little more meaning to things, I suppose; I like to think that in some vague sense everything means something, but a little help with that never hurt.
So today I got myself to talk with some of my professors, and checked out my schedule. While I'd been a little distracted and uncertain about this upcoming summer, as much as I liked the last summer session, now I think I know what I want to do with it and it makes all the difference. I'll be signing up for that Friday likely, so I can take tomorrow and Thursday to fill out the paper work and pick my classes, and then Monday I'll put in for summer employment once more so I can get first pick of the desk jobs. As long as it's some place I can read a book or do school work during the downtime, I'll love it, though a little internet access never hurt. Even if I know that I'd have to avoid using it more than barely on anything but the most dead of days.
I also got complimented by a professor. He doesn't seem like the type to flatter, though I dunno that he's hardbitten or difficult to get by, but the fact is I hadn't read the material on these things, and I'd been behind on learning the system we're using for the project, and I've been answering questions with theoretical and questions that have apparently impressed him; he not only said I seemed to be "sharp" but suggested that I might be capable, or even prefer, doing a solo experiment over a group. Now, I do ideally want to practice group dynamics and continue to improve my social skills and leadership abilities, which seem to have been on upward trend since my Freshman year of college (believe it or not, when I'm "in the zone" I'm not bad at it, unassuming or antisocial as I can be when I feel more like hermiting). But given this particular class and the experiments dynamics... I'm going to look over the assignment and make sure that I can handle the subjects, work loud, and decisions on my own. It'll be making a little more work for me, but in my experience that enjoyment and urge to take initiative far outweighs extra work for me personally, since so often it's motivation or engagement with the material more than ability that is my issue.
Engaged. That's what the other professor said; that I seemed far more engaged than I had been the past times they'd met with me. It seems good to me. That despite any issues or fights, I can trend upward. As long as I maintain that trend it could mean the world. And the funny thing is, for some reason I can't place, I am feeling more engaged. The work suddenly interested me more today than it had in the past week or two, as if someone just flipped a switch half an hour into my first class and left it up.
...now I just need to stem my fascination with the stream of movies coming out, after a discussion with Tabi earlier left me feeling a need to research everything I can about the upcoming DC and Marvel films. I should lay off on that, though it does give me other ideas; to be explored another time.
For now, I'm just tired.
Time to grab the prerequisite Z's for class tomorrow.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Making Up
I'm going to put it this way, bluntly; I don't like making up.
Which is not at all how it sounds, honestly. Making up revolves around there having been a falling out or fight, and I'd rather avoid those entirely. There's also always the issue of vindication (ready to DURR at myself if that word isn't a derivative of vindictive) and pride. I don't think I am excessively either, but for some things and people, my temper and pride sure can get involved. Tabi is one of them.
But mostly, if there's a falling out and I care enough about a person to make up or fight to begin with, rather than just avoid them, its well worth the effort and biting down on my pride to make up. It's oftentimes even better with Tabi, much as those are the fights I hate the most, as the results are the best (and most important). Learning the give and take of where to draw the line when admitting where I went line is a little new- but most people never needed this much detail when it came down to it, so if they really couldn't be reconciled on it, simply not directly stating it would be enough. Generally, they weren't worth arguing over it more if that was the case. Tabi, however, likes to get things clear and discuss points. It's been different learning when I have to stand my ground- or be aggressive- and how to admit I'm wrong when I am.
Then again, I feel like I never had half this much pride before her.
My kitten. <3
The unfortunate irony of this post, though, is that we're not done making up. We've mostly gotten finished with it in regards to our massive argument last night, but unfortunately she called me and woke me up out of a nap accidentally (while I was still stressed about work and upset about the argument) and meant to apologize. The problem is before she got around to it, we talked about something else; and when I'm first waking up, I speak gibberish. Not complete gibberish. Just nonsense. When someone wakes me into that groggy non-sense state that only phonecalls and lack of solid sleep seem to be able to create, my brain immediately starts processing the world in terms of the rules of a random game- it's been everything from D&D to Minecraft, to Magic the Gathering and I don't even remember how many others (today it was Magic- I don't recall what, but something was costing red mana). She was reasonably frustrated by this, and when it sounded like she was snapping me or being sarcastic, I snapped back- in excess.
So now I'm back on ground I wish I could say felt wholly unfamiliar.
I've apologized, but I feel like I need to make up a little still, because I know how much trouble she can have admitting when she's been wrong. But I think I owe a little something extra besides just "cleaning the slate".
...so we'll see if I can take another shot at honing my razor-sharp skills for creating romantic events and picking creative, thoughtful presents. =___________=
Sarcasm aside, Fishy out.
Which is not at all how it sounds, honestly. Making up revolves around there having been a falling out or fight, and I'd rather avoid those entirely. There's also always the issue of vindication (ready to DURR at myself if that word isn't a derivative of vindictive) and pride. I don't think I am excessively either, but for some things and people, my temper and pride sure can get involved. Tabi is one of them.
But mostly, if there's a falling out and I care enough about a person to make up or fight to begin with, rather than just avoid them, its well worth the effort and biting down on my pride to make up. It's oftentimes even better with Tabi, much as those are the fights I hate the most, as the results are the best (and most important). Learning the give and take of where to draw the line when admitting where I went line is a little new- but most people never needed this much detail when it came down to it, so if they really couldn't be reconciled on it, simply not directly stating it would be enough. Generally, they weren't worth arguing over it more if that was the case. Tabi, however, likes to get things clear and discuss points. It's been different learning when I have to stand my ground- or be aggressive- and how to admit I'm wrong when I am.
Then again, I feel like I never had half this much pride before her.
My kitten. <3
The unfortunate irony of this post, though, is that we're not done making up. We've mostly gotten finished with it in regards to our massive argument last night, but unfortunately she called me and woke me up out of a nap accidentally (while I was still stressed about work and upset about the argument) and meant to apologize. The problem is before she got around to it, we talked about something else; and when I'm first waking up, I speak gibberish. Not complete gibberish. Just nonsense. When someone wakes me into that groggy non-sense state that only phonecalls and lack of solid sleep seem to be able to create, my brain immediately starts processing the world in terms of the rules of a random game- it's been everything from D&D to Minecraft, to Magic the Gathering and I don't even remember how many others (today it was Magic- I don't recall what, but something was costing red mana). She was reasonably frustrated by this, and when it sounded like she was snapping me or being sarcastic, I snapped back- in excess.
So now I'm back on ground I wish I could say felt wholly unfamiliar.
I've apologized, but I feel like I need to make up a little still, because I know how much trouble she can have admitting when she's been wrong. But I think I owe a little something extra besides just "cleaning the slate".
...so we'll see if I can take another shot at honing my razor-sharp skills for creating romantic events and picking creative, thoughtful presents. =___________=
Sarcasm aside, Fishy out.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
A Long Week
It has been one hell of a long week.
I realize at this point it's been nearly that long since I put up my last blog post. Some daily bit, huh?
Well, I'm trying to get a decent write up of my thoughts on it looking back now, though it's sort of last minute. I guess the best way to really handle that, though surely far from complete is to segment it into one subject as a time as they come to mind. That's right, I'm organizing my writing via chaos. I guess it's the lazy man's system. And that... would be an accurate description. Busy, yes, but also lazy.
So this week I've neglected to do the blog. Part of that I'm sure is lack of system. I'm supposed to write it immediately after I eat, or fetch, dinner according to Tabi, once I'm done my work. I suppose part of the problem might be that I usually wind up talking to her before going to dinner, and she would probably be very upset if this was suddenly not the case and I just finished work and then hauled ass to eat without a word. The problem with this approach is I have trouble talking out loud and writing at the same time. Listening I can do if my head is clear, no problem, two separate topics. If my head is jumbled, or I'm exhausted, or talking aloud I can't really write clearly. So. Just IMs until after I write it up, correct? Easy. Probably not going to happen, it's not really a desirable change. But it might make keeping up on the blog easier. This will still fall through on days I'm REALLY sick of work or tired, or she's upset, I'm sure. Which will make it tricky, since the other issue is looking at it as work. Makes it less fun to do, more serious, and harder to address quickly. I suppose I've done that too. Also, my famous procrastination streak then immediately kicks in to save the day. In a very not-savey way. But it's trying. Don't blame it, it is totally not its fault. Probably mine. I can just see myself taking it out behind the barn and having that "I'm sorry boy, we've had us some good times" talk and never being able to go through with it once I'm done. Which I'm not sure if I should view as sick or humorous. Probably both. Sick is a little bit humorous. I guess. Works for me, in any case. To make it feel less like work I probably need subjects. I can go off on them easy enough, but I've never been one to talk about my day too long and ongoing. A lot of things are done and over with and don't stick out to me too much once they're settled, or else I want a break from them once my work for the day is over. Happens a lot. I think I might start writing myself short notes in my books during class and so forth about things that catch my mind, or that I want to analyze. Earlier today I wrote a quick once over opinion on how RPGs pan out for a guy trying to make a fan-project game based on the roleplaying a lot of us have been doing and the world it's crafted over the years. Personally, I think that world is a chaotic mess, shambles and nonsense and he'd do better with a series of games following the stories of each character in their respective backgrounds and ongoing chains of events, or else just following loosely plot that actually occurred between them. But he's not the type to listen. Ever. So, whatever, it's not like he's being paid, so while I might be exasperated with him, I can't really be upset. I just wish I knew how to do that stuff so I could do it better.
Really a shame I can't use that for a subject in one of these now that it's already written.
I've also been kinda-sorta settling a lot of issues this week. Arrange meetings. Accomplishment, but not the end of the chain. Planning a replacement phone and options and dates. Okay, good and toward the goal, but no points yet. Moving down plans. Also good. But longer off yet than I really like. It's a strange feeling. Both relieving and agitating. I suppose discouraging- if I can't finish THAT problem, it's not in my nature to want to go not-quite-finish a bunch of others. Sure, I would rather never have to work, but when I do it's my habit to try and finish things one visible, solid chunk at a time. It's why posting works, among other things. I start, and I finish. That chapter, set, post, scene, paper, etc done in one fell swoop. It's relieving and a little fun, the feeling of success. Tests are usually good for that. But it doesn't work with cliff-hangers. Good literary devices. Bad Fishy-inspiration.
Also, thank god for the spell-check function. Saving my ass on this one.
Tabi's also gotten upset at me... sorta... for being happy with me... for not being "just another guy". It seems like a "woman thing" to go and be upset at someone over something you're actually happy about, on principles you can't explain or understand. Not that guys don't feel it too, at least some of us. But I know for my part when it happens I tend to sort it out very quickly and resolve which one is stronger and why, and put that nasty aftertaste or confusion aside as soon as I can prod it enough to make it tell me what it's about. It probably has to do with that she's embarrassed and frustrated with herself over an accident that isn't her fault but she blames herself for. Apparently I was supposed to react one way that would NOT have been favorable, but it's more confusing that I'm mature about it, and thus she's all afluster. Or at least that's how it seems on a quick after the fact analysis. Never that simple, I'm sure. But at that rate I'll probably hear more about it, but I wouldn't react to it differently if a similar situation arose. It wouldn't be sincere to, nor kind, and I'd feel bad if I did. Mistakes are mistakes, and I know I'm a total clutz, so how can I blame her for one now and again?
Sooner or later I'll do something I'll facepalm over hard for embarrassing reasons and not frustration with my own stupidity (which usually for me is the reaction if only because it overrides the other on sheer volume, as I look at it in a cause-effect light) and I certainly would appreciate if she is nice and helpful about it. Do unto others, and so forth.
And no, you don't get to ask what it was. Go find some other curiosity to obsess over.
Mostly my points of concern and agitation in the week prior are this:
Feelings of lack of recognition for strives forward and suggest. I've been trying to be more open emotionally for Tabi, while recognizing how I've let this let me get mean in the past, to take out my stress on others. It's an easy approach to it, and while its honest in a very basic, human-animal type of way it's not nice, mature, or a trait I like to associate too strongly with myself. We are by our nature animals, and as a social animal we tend to be vicious, self-serving, and vindictive, especially in societies that encourage it. It's a series of easy traps to destructive, non-cooperative behavior that happens when you don't have that common enemy. We're at the top of the food chain in the US and we're all supposed to get along. But that kind of thing tends to drive humans to either stagnation, carelessness, and destructive levels of disregard, or a quick, shallow search for enemies. And is it any surprise in either case? Human beast. Look how animals struggling to survive in the wild act. To me, I find a consistency even among the non-social ones, and the predators and prey. Before you apply society, rules, personal training, and introspective thought and shaping that's where we all are. We like working together and winning. And part of that comes from a need not only to accomplish things to overcome problems or gain desires, but to destroy threats. And so if the only threat you've known your whole life is the social fickleness and cruelty of your peers in a confined social setting that drives them to extremes, cruelty, sycophancy, acting out, apathy, and other such ends to define themselves and garner that essential attention by having most of their being thrust into organized functioning groups that neglect the individual over making the whole all unanimous, identical and same- because let's face it, the school system might celebrate achievers, but it more enforces similarity and mindlessly treats all children as interchangeable by sticking all the same age and abandoning us to each others influence at an impressionable age when kids are still that human-beast as often as not- how can we not be? Is a surprise we've got fucked up issues in society? And I don't support homeschooling as the ideal solution, nor is it that simple or public school a bad thing. I just can't help but look at it and even if it is our best alternative say "is it having these consequences?"
Nothing has that many alone, but it could help.
And now you see me doing it again. I can't remember my other points, and I became a long winded, rambling, disorganized, run on sentence like this, every which way, extending my sentence artificially to make a point right now, lecturer. Blech.
Oh, yes. Time.
It keeps on slipping.
Into the future.
There isn't enough of it. Long week or not, I feel like there's never enough hours to do half the things I want to do, despite that part of me is telling me I used to do more than this in a day and have no issues. I dunno why it is I feel like I'm slowing down. What's eating those hours? Why does it bother me so? What approaches can I take to alter that sensation and try to solve it, or at least experience it differently?
Working out: I need to do it more. I've gotten complacent.
Driving: Want to. It was fun last week, and I need this licence. Scheduling is getting in the way, but I ought to do okay. Just need to figure out how I get past my distractability and nervousness on the road when I get to things like highway driving. I'm sure it's easiest mechanically, as I hear, but it's the one racking my nerves.
Also, movies. Saw a bunch. Kinda want to see more. Moulin Rouge is probably now on my new list of favorites. Kill Bill in many ways has to be, but in many ways... doesn't quite make it? The director, however much some of his scenes simply do not work for me, has made all the movies of his I've seen dramatic and different, serious and comedic, so I feel the need to award him massive respect and many internets.
And finally, because I'm running out of thoughts in my chaos canter, and because my hand is starting to ache a little from the rapid typing without breaking, I'm hungry. Mwahs.
All for my lovely kitten.
Mwah.
Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah.
<3
I realize at this point it's been nearly that long since I put up my last blog post. Some daily bit, huh?
Well, I'm trying to get a decent write up of my thoughts on it looking back now, though it's sort of last minute. I guess the best way to really handle that, though surely far from complete is to segment it into one subject as a time as they come to mind. That's right, I'm organizing my writing via chaos. I guess it's the lazy man's system. And that... would be an accurate description. Busy, yes, but also lazy.
So this week I've neglected to do the blog. Part of that I'm sure is lack of system. I'm supposed to write it immediately after I eat, or fetch, dinner according to Tabi, once I'm done my work. I suppose part of the problem might be that I usually wind up talking to her before going to dinner, and she would probably be very upset if this was suddenly not the case and I just finished work and then hauled ass to eat without a word. The problem with this approach is I have trouble talking out loud and writing at the same time. Listening I can do if my head is clear, no problem, two separate topics. If my head is jumbled, or I'm exhausted, or talking aloud I can't really write clearly. So. Just IMs until after I write it up, correct? Easy. Probably not going to happen, it's not really a desirable change. But it might make keeping up on the blog easier. This will still fall through on days I'm REALLY sick of work or tired, or she's upset, I'm sure. Which will make it tricky, since the other issue is looking at it as work. Makes it less fun to do, more serious, and harder to address quickly. I suppose I've done that too. Also, my famous procrastination streak then immediately kicks in to save the day. In a very not-savey way. But it's trying. Don't blame it, it is totally not its fault. Probably mine. I can just see myself taking it out behind the barn and having that "I'm sorry boy, we've had us some good times" talk and never being able to go through with it once I'm done. Which I'm not sure if I should view as sick or humorous. Probably both. Sick is a little bit humorous. I guess. Works for me, in any case. To make it feel less like work I probably need subjects. I can go off on them easy enough, but I've never been one to talk about my day too long and ongoing. A lot of things are done and over with and don't stick out to me too much once they're settled, or else I want a break from them once my work for the day is over. Happens a lot. I think I might start writing myself short notes in my books during class and so forth about things that catch my mind, or that I want to analyze. Earlier today I wrote a quick once over opinion on how RPGs pan out for a guy trying to make a fan-project game based on the roleplaying a lot of us have been doing and the world it's crafted over the years. Personally, I think that world is a chaotic mess, shambles and nonsense and he'd do better with a series of games following the stories of each character in their respective backgrounds and ongoing chains of events, or else just following loosely plot that actually occurred between them. But he's not the type to listen. Ever. So, whatever, it's not like he's being paid, so while I might be exasperated with him, I can't really be upset. I just wish I knew how to do that stuff so I could do it better.
Really a shame I can't use that for a subject in one of these now that it's already written.
I've also been kinda-sorta settling a lot of issues this week. Arrange meetings. Accomplishment, but not the end of the chain. Planning a replacement phone and options and dates. Okay, good and toward the goal, but no points yet. Moving down plans. Also good. But longer off yet than I really like. It's a strange feeling. Both relieving and agitating. I suppose discouraging- if I can't finish THAT problem, it's not in my nature to want to go not-quite-finish a bunch of others. Sure, I would rather never have to work, but when I do it's my habit to try and finish things one visible, solid chunk at a time. It's why posting works, among other things. I start, and I finish. That chapter, set, post, scene, paper, etc done in one fell swoop. It's relieving and a little fun, the feeling of success. Tests are usually good for that. But it doesn't work with cliff-hangers. Good literary devices. Bad Fishy-inspiration.
Also, thank god for the spell-check function. Saving my ass on this one.
Tabi's also gotten upset at me... sorta... for being happy with me... for not being "just another guy". It seems like a "woman thing" to go and be upset at someone over something you're actually happy about, on principles you can't explain or understand. Not that guys don't feel it too, at least some of us. But I know for my part when it happens I tend to sort it out very quickly and resolve which one is stronger and why, and put that nasty aftertaste or confusion aside as soon as I can prod it enough to make it tell me what it's about. It probably has to do with that she's embarrassed and frustrated with herself over an accident that isn't her fault but she blames herself for. Apparently I was supposed to react one way that would NOT have been favorable, but it's more confusing that I'm mature about it, and thus she's all afluster. Or at least that's how it seems on a quick after the fact analysis. Never that simple, I'm sure. But at that rate I'll probably hear more about it, but I wouldn't react to it differently if a similar situation arose. It wouldn't be sincere to, nor kind, and I'd feel bad if I did. Mistakes are mistakes, and I know I'm a total clutz, so how can I blame her for one now and again?
Sooner or later I'll do something I'll facepalm over hard for embarrassing reasons and not frustration with my own stupidity (which usually for me is the reaction if only because it overrides the other on sheer volume, as I look at it in a cause-effect light) and I certainly would appreciate if she is nice and helpful about it. Do unto others, and so forth.
And no, you don't get to ask what it was. Go find some other curiosity to obsess over.
Mostly my points of concern and agitation in the week prior are this:
Feelings of lack of recognition for strives forward and suggest. I've been trying to be more open emotionally for Tabi, while recognizing how I've let this let me get mean in the past, to take out my stress on others. It's an easy approach to it, and while its honest in a very basic, human-animal type of way it's not nice, mature, or a trait I like to associate too strongly with myself. We are by our nature animals, and as a social animal we tend to be vicious, self-serving, and vindictive, especially in societies that encourage it. It's a series of easy traps to destructive, non-cooperative behavior that happens when you don't have that common enemy. We're at the top of the food chain in the US and we're all supposed to get along. But that kind of thing tends to drive humans to either stagnation, carelessness, and destructive levels of disregard, or a quick, shallow search for enemies. And is it any surprise in either case? Human beast. Look how animals struggling to survive in the wild act. To me, I find a consistency even among the non-social ones, and the predators and prey. Before you apply society, rules, personal training, and introspective thought and shaping that's where we all are. We like working together and winning. And part of that comes from a need not only to accomplish things to overcome problems or gain desires, but to destroy threats. And so if the only threat you've known your whole life is the social fickleness and cruelty of your peers in a confined social setting that drives them to extremes, cruelty, sycophancy, acting out, apathy, and other such ends to define themselves and garner that essential attention by having most of their being thrust into organized functioning groups that neglect the individual over making the whole all unanimous, identical and same- because let's face it, the school system might celebrate achievers, but it more enforces similarity and mindlessly treats all children as interchangeable by sticking all the same age and abandoning us to each others influence at an impressionable age when kids are still that human-beast as often as not- how can we not be? Is a surprise we've got fucked up issues in society? And I don't support homeschooling as the ideal solution, nor is it that simple or public school a bad thing. I just can't help but look at it and even if it is our best alternative say "is it having these consequences?"
Nothing has that many alone, but it could help.
And now you see me doing it again. I can't remember my other points, and I became a long winded, rambling, disorganized, run on sentence like this, every which way, extending my sentence artificially to make a point right now, lecturer. Blech.
Oh, yes. Time.
It keeps on slipping.
Into the future.
There isn't enough of it. Long week or not, I feel like there's never enough hours to do half the things I want to do, despite that part of me is telling me I used to do more than this in a day and have no issues. I dunno why it is I feel like I'm slowing down. What's eating those hours? Why does it bother me so? What approaches can I take to alter that sensation and try to solve it, or at least experience it differently?
Working out: I need to do it more. I've gotten complacent.
Driving: Want to. It was fun last week, and I need this licence. Scheduling is getting in the way, but I ought to do okay. Just need to figure out how I get past my distractability and nervousness on the road when I get to things like highway driving. I'm sure it's easiest mechanically, as I hear, but it's the one racking my nerves.
Also, movies. Saw a bunch. Kinda want to see more. Moulin Rouge is probably now on my new list of favorites. Kill Bill in many ways has to be, but in many ways... doesn't quite make it? The director, however much some of his scenes simply do not work for me, has made all the movies of his I've seen dramatic and different, serious and comedic, so I feel the need to award him massive respect and many internets.
And finally, because I'm running out of thoughts in my chaos canter, and because my hand is starting to ache a little from the rapid typing without breaking, I'm hungry. Mwahs.
All for my lovely kitten.
Mwah.
Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah.
<3
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Inverse Sanity Theorum
Today I had a talk with my folks about some things. They took the obvious few full in stride, regarding plans that had been made, and mostly only offered the alternatives we suspected they would try to in regards to monetary stability. None of it was forceful, but delivered in more of a "exploring all possibilities way" as they thought I was being too closed minded about things. Their suggestions WERE good, just not possible given circumstances. I can't blame them, just can't go with the "delay an extra year plan." They did seem to have second thoughts about it, but didn't take it back, when I noted that we'd have to pay for her living arrangements regardless of whether I went or not, so it would mean equal money spent. For some reason they just seemed to believe Maryland was more likely to have higher paying entrance level jobs.
I'unno.
And the first time I started practicing driving it took ages for me to get the hang of anything. In one day of practice after not doing it for what is probably about a year if not more, I'm comfortably parking, three point turning, and driving in calm rural areas with low speed light traffic, even with the hellish turns and hills and glaring evening sun. And ten times more confident than before, if far, far, far from perfect.
I think I've just grown since then.
Additionally, I had to write character descriptions for art today, and given that it's a friend doing them and I trust her to check for creative liberties as she goes to apply them, and get inspired and more complex and pretty as she gets into the character idea, I presented mini bios/overviews instead of only character physical descriptions.
I've noticed all of my characters start sane, and the more quickly I get interested in them and develop them, the more rapidly they degenerate from that point into various branches of manias, phobias, psychopathy, and obsession.
Huh.
I'unno.
And the first time I started practicing driving it took ages for me to get the hang of anything. In one day of practice after not doing it for what is probably about a year if not more, I'm comfortably parking, three point turning, and driving in calm rural areas with low speed light traffic, even with the hellish turns and hills and glaring evening sun. And ten times more confident than before, if far, far, far from perfect.
I think I've just grown since then.
Additionally, I had to write character descriptions for art today, and given that it's a friend doing them and I trust her to check for creative liberties as she goes to apply them, and get inspired and more complex and pretty as she gets into the character idea, I presented mini bios/overviews instead of only character physical descriptions.
I've noticed all of my characters start sane, and the more quickly I get interested in them and develop them, the more rapidly they degenerate from that point into various branches of manias, phobias, psychopathy, and obsession.
Huh.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Temper Temper
Has anyone noticed that it just seems easier to get angry at folks online?
Normally I don't have much of this issue. I get frustrated or impatient maybe, but generally I communicate, solve the problem, or go elsewhere. I find that there isn't necessarily a greater level of separation, but when I need there to be its easy to create it. Generally, not necessary. Today however, my temper flared for a bit and afterwards I was left wondering: why?
Granted, one of my friends had been furious and going nuts about something a few minutes before, and if anything that sort of problem going on with folks I know is likely to create problems and frustrate or bother me. But further, when there were miscommunications... people got snappy, and I did the same. I realized after a bit I was mad about a game, and laughed at myself for it. The fortunate part is that I was laughing at myself with legitimate mirth, but the fact remains. It seemed to have most to do with a fairness issue, as folks were playing a blame-game, but it was ridiculous all the same.
To make it worse, I've been fighting with my phone all night, which was part of why this is so late.
And I just found out that, in fact, none of my messages went through, and THEN it shut itself off.
Don't you love techonology?
I'm not sure how expensive replacing a phone for an existing plan is, but I'm thinking its time I find a cheep alternative/replacement for my old brick.
Normally I don't have much of this issue. I get frustrated or impatient maybe, but generally I communicate, solve the problem, or go elsewhere. I find that there isn't necessarily a greater level of separation, but when I need there to be its easy to create it. Generally, not necessary. Today however, my temper flared for a bit and afterwards I was left wondering: why?
Granted, one of my friends had been furious and going nuts about something a few minutes before, and if anything that sort of problem going on with folks I know is likely to create problems and frustrate or bother me. But further, when there were miscommunications... people got snappy, and I did the same. I realized after a bit I was mad about a game, and laughed at myself for it. The fortunate part is that I was laughing at myself with legitimate mirth, but the fact remains. It seemed to have most to do with a fairness issue, as folks were playing a blame-game, but it was ridiculous all the same.
To make it worse, I've been fighting with my phone all night, which was part of why this is so late.
And I just found out that, in fact, none of my messages went through, and THEN it shut itself off.
Don't you love techonology?
I'm not sure how expensive replacing a phone for an existing plan is, but I'm thinking its time I find a cheep alternative/replacement for my old brick.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Surrealism
This one is tough to explain. Moulin Rouge was what Tabi and I watched today. It was not really surreal at all, rather, it seemed grounded enough to follow very clearly and placed with the real world. Occasional scenes artfully presented the things going on in dramatic ways, such as the pistol flying out the window then being seen hitting the Eiffel Tower in a silhouette sky scape of the city... while far away, and at such a size it would have had to have grown to the size of a truck. Or the dancing on clouds, or animations and backgrounds in the beginning. Mostly, the story went from okay, with a strange sense of being composed in half by mix ups of various pre-existing songs, which I'm sure I'd be even more impressed if I'd recognized some I mistook for original, into the video. But it also moved rapidly, and even when representing destitute characters had flash, style, color, and personality. It was rather like the movie itself might have been decent, but bland, trying to take itself very seriously, and it became a musical on one hand, and on the other, adding just a light enough touch of surrealism to jar one's sense of reality now and again. Somehow, it made some of the characters more believable, and it's sticking with me better than any poor attempt at more "realistic" characters.
So one wonders.
What defines the surrealism?
Obviously there's an official definition. But in this case, what is it really more surreal to take art in a direction of disbelief and suspend critical critiques of the viewer so they can appreciate both the light hearted and darker aspects of the world and characters more fully, powerfully? Or is it more surreal to be faced with a film where you see attempts at extreme realism, strife, and emotional turmoil all contrasting against characters not written, or acted, nearly well enough to be capable of holding any belief or empathy of the audience?
...alright, so my brain is a little melty and tonight's blog is probably a little lackluster. Possibly nonsensical.
I'd say I'll explain what I was driving at later, but chances are I'll be too ADD and on to talking about something else by then.
So, on to tomorrow we go!
So one wonders.
What defines the surrealism?
Obviously there's an official definition. But in this case, what is it really more surreal to take art in a direction of disbelief and suspend critical critiques of the viewer so they can appreciate both the light hearted and darker aspects of the world and characters more fully, powerfully? Or is it more surreal to be faced with a film where you see attempts at extreme realism, strife, and emotional turmoil all contrasting against characters not written, or acted, nearly well enough to be capable of holding any belief or empathy of the audience?
...alright, so my brain is a little melty and tonight's blog is probably a little lackluster. Possibly nonsensical.
I'd say I'll explain what I was driving at later, but chances are I'll be too ADD and on to talking about something else by then.
So, on to tomorrow we go!
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Marketing Strategy
So most of you know I'm a complete dork, and your choice of terminology generally synonymous to "geek" as well. I play lots of video games, roleplay via message board online composing stories rather than roleplaying in bed (which has always seemed really weird and backward to me, which I imagine is strange given my general curiosity toward other kinks and the fact that the general population seems to find that more normal than my hobby), play virtual Legos on Minecraft, and then write about it all in a blog.
So I roleplay on GaiaOnline.
Gasp!
I also have started avoiding most of it's population like the plague, which I'm not sure if has to do with a personal arrogance grown with associating my roleplaying with my writing rather than as a time-killer, or with the fact that most of it's community is now between five and ten years younger than me and extremely hormonal and otherwise painful to deal with.
But regardless, this site has been selling digital items for money. Normally I haven't purchased these, only a few for Tabi (and a few for myself meanwhile making those purchases >.>) and go figure, among the first items I get are randomly generated items.
And I just felt this was [i]wrong[/i]. First of all, they grossly mis represented what the majority of the items to be gained were and how you got them. Pick options and gain items according, right? Awesome. It's like a choose your own adventure just like all the other ones were, where if you picked the right options you were almost certain to get particular related items! Good strategy, right? Everything you can get is new, you have some control over what you can get but there's also a little mystery. There's a game involved, where good decisions (or waiting for a guide) can get you the items you want.
So... then they represent this other item as that... when it's just a lottery.
The theme was fantastic, but the only options on any given stage were "quite now or keep going" and it seemed you had a 75% chance (I'm not even kidding) of losing out and getting crap items from the first stage all the way to the last. When I bought it, it felt like a cheat.
Now, I'm sure this lottery strategy felt like a good idea at the time. After all, no control over the winning will make people keep buying up tickets and trying to win big, right? They'll shoot for that item they want, or make the rarer ones extra rare. I don't think it's morally questionable in so far as business ethics, given their lack of information and method of advertisement, but I'm curious what everyone else thinks about it in that way, and in so far as practical business.
After all. I now know I'm not buying any more chance items from them; probably none at all.
Your call. If you read and care enough to stop and type an opinion on that kind of business practice, I'd love to hear your responses!
Ciao.
So I roleplay on GaiaOnline.
Gasp!
I also have started avoiding most of it's population like the plague, which I'm not sure if has to do with a personal arrogance grown with associating my roleplaying with my writing rather than as a time-killer, or with the fact that most of it's community is now between five and ten years younger than me and extremely hormonal and otherwise painful to deal with.
But regardless, this site has been selling digital items for money. Normally I haven't purchased these, only a few for Tabi (and a few for myself meanwhile making those purchases >.>) and go figure, among the first items I get are randomly generated items.
And I just felt this was [i]wrong[/i]. First of all, they grossly mis represented what the majority of the items to be gained were and how you got them. Pick options and gain items according, right? Awesome. It's like a choose your own adventure just like all the other ones were, where if you picked the right options you were almost certain to get particular related items! Good strategy, right? Everything you can get is new, you have some control over what you can get but there's also a little mystery. There's a game involved, where good decisions (or waiting for a guide) can get you the items you want.
So... then they represent this other item as that... when it's just a lottery.
The theme was fantastic, but the only options on any given stage were "quite now or keep going" and it seemed you had a 75% chance (I'm not even kidding) of losing out and getting crap items from the first stage all the way to the last. When I bought it, it felt like a cheat.
Now, I'm sure this lottery strategy felt like a good idea at the time. After all, no control over the winning will make people keep buying up tickets and trying to win big, right? They'll shoot for that item they want, or make the rarer ones extra rare. I don't think it's morally questionable in so far as business ethics, given their lack of information and method of advertisement, but I'm curious what everyone else thinks about it in that way, and in so far as practical business.
After all. I now know I'm not buying any more chance items from them; probably none at all.
Your call. If you read and care enough to stop and type an opinion on that kind of business practice, I'd love to hear your responses!
Ciao.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Quarter-terms
So I have an interesting event occurring this semester. Usually my classes have very different work and exam schedules, but instead all of them this time around have four exams, within a week of each other. In some ways, it's good because it means those weeks will be good for mixing doing project work ahead of time and relaxing, since I generally don't spend as much time to study for an exam as I do to finish assignments. Attention in class helps me a lot more than most studying, much as I am trying to find new methods to fix that.
But perhaps the biggest coincidence of all is that Tabi and I both have economics exams tomorrow.
Not at the same time, but mine is at 9 AM, which would be only 8 her time. And I think I'd be getting glares to frighten a bear if she had to take an exam at 8 AM. Meanwhile, she seems to have gotten bored of Minecraft, which makes me wonder if it's because she's feeling down, because I haven't been in game, or if she's just gamed herself out on it with all the playing she's been doing in the past couple of days. It has been a LOT of Minecraft.
Somehow, I wouldn't be surprised if after we do some talking and movie-ing she manages to convince me to come back to it with her some. >.>
*places blocks on blocks*
But perhaps the biggest coincidence of all is that Tabi and I both have economics exams tomorrow.
Not at the same time, but mine is at 9 AM, which would be only 8 her time. And I think I'd be getting glares to frighten a bear if she had to take an exam at 8 AM. Meanwhile, she seems to have gotten bored of Minecraft, which makes me wonder if it's because she's feeling down, because I haven't been in game, or if she's just gamed herself out on it with all the playing she's been doing in the past couple of days. It has been a LOT of Minecraft.
Somehow, I wouldn't be surprised if after we do some talking and movie-ing she manages to convince me to come back to it with her some. >.>
*places blocks on blocks*
Monday, February 7, 2011
Bamboo
Crafting more mines.
Tabi actually made surprising progress with some in a very brief time period. They never went very deep, but it was a wide spread for the tunnels to cover. We also built a ton onto the house, had it burn down, started again, and acquired enough bamboo to start growing several lines of them. Daily, and in game days come and go fast, it's worth over 200 of them, I think. And it does renew daily. She has more than she can use as far as I can tell, and already Tabi seems of a mind to cover as many surfaces of her house-tree in bookshelves as is reasonably possible. I approve, even if there is no mechanical function in the game. And technically, I suppose it's sugar cane, not bamboo. But it looks a lot like bamboo.
We also completed "The Jungle Room".
Apparently there is a song reference there, and a bit of a joke. Giggity.
So eventually we managed to get enough glass together to make the ceiling and floor of it, and the walls, and it's as much part of a living series of trees (aside from the glass) as the rest. It's coming along very nicely. In the process, however, we had to magi-grow trees very large beneath it. The fertilizer in this game makes the blocks grow suddenly. And, well.
It doesn't calculate hardness of blocks, only how much effort it takes to break them. So I was repeatedly almost crushed by the expanding leaves. x.x
The end result turned out quite pretty though, and she's handling mechanical designs and problem solving more and more on her own too. My kitty is learning well. <3
Tabi actually made surprising progress with some in a very brief time period. They never went very deep, but it was a wide spread for the tunnels to cover. We also built a ton onto the house, had it burn down, started again, and acquired enough bamboo to start growing several lines of them. Daily, and in game days come and go fast, it's worth over 200 of them, I think. And it does renew daily. She has more than she can use as far as I can tell, and already Tabi seems of a mind to cover as many surfaces of her house-tree in bookshelves as is reasonably possible. I approve, even if there is no mechanical function in the game. And technically, I suppose it's sugar cane, not bamboo. But it looks a lot like bamboo.
We also completed "The Jungle Room".
Apparently there is a song reference there, and a bit of a joke. Giggity.
So eventually we managed to get enough glass together to make the ceiling and floor of it, and the walls, and it's as much part of a living series of trees (aside from the glass) as the rest. It's coming along very nicely. In the process, however, we had to magi-grow trees very large beneath it. The fertilizer in this game makes the blocks grow suddenly. And, well.
It doesn't calculate hardness of blocks, only how much effort it takes to break them. So I was repeatedly almost crushed by the expanding leaves. x.x
The end result turned out quite pretty though, and she's handling mechanical designs and problem solving more and more on her own too. My kitty is learning well. <3
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Add Iction
I think it's official at this point.
Tabi and I are both addicted to Minecraft.
Here's the thing; I didn't even realize I hadn't posted one of these last night, nor that most of the evening had flown by, right over my head, like Wiley and an unfortunate attempt of giving chase to potential lunch. Right after I'd figured on some ways of doing these more regularly. Then, today's came a lot later than I meant it to.
Why?
Addiction.
I'm pretty sure Tabi is addicted to Minecraft. We've both been looking for games we can play together, and while FFXI was good for that it had monthly fees and some little issues, where as Minecraft was $10 for a lifetime of Legos on crack and easy access for playing all day or only a few hours at a time. It's make your own entertainment, and with our imaginations, it is not hard to do so. So logically, I need to manage the time and pull her out when she's played too long, or remind her to work or do whatever else, right?
Here's the problem there.
I'm at least as addicted to this game as she is. >____>
And I haven't even been working on my pipe-dream projects, just getting her started and helping her expand building her own. It may not sound like fun, but it is- plenty enough to keep me in the game just about all day with her and the lot of folks, and hardly getting any of my non-school projects/responsibilities done. Granted, 95% of those are "write something for Tabi" and "write something for Robert". I tend to be extremely timely in all things for the latter, however, so he can wait a bit if necessary.
....but I think I need to start setting myself alarms when I sit down to play Minecraft with her. x.x
Tabi and I are both addicted to Minecraft.
Here's the thing; I didn't even realize I hadn't posted one of these last night, nor that most of the evening had flown by, right over my head, like Wiley and an unfortunate attempt of giving chase to potential lunch. Right after I'd figured on some ways of doing these more regularly. Then, today's came a lot later than I meant it to.
Why?
Addiction.
I'm pretty sure Tabi is addicted to Minecraft. We've both been looking for games we can play together, and while FFXI was good for that it had monthly fees and some little issues, where as Minecraft was $10 for a lifetime of Legos on crack and easy access for playing all day or only a few hours at a time. It's make your own entertainment, and with our imaginations, it is not hard to do so. So logically, I need to manage the time and pull her out when she's played too long, or remind her to work or do whatever else, right?
Here's the problem there.
I'm at least as addicted to this game as she is. >____>
And I haven't even been working on my pipe-dream projects, just getting her started and helping her expand building her own. It may not sound like fun, but it is- plenty enough to keep me in the game just about all day with her and the lot of folks, and hardly getting any of my non-school projects/responsibilities done. Granted, 95% of those are "write something for Tabi" and "write something for Robert". I tend to be extremely timely in all things for the latter, however, so he can wait a bit if necessary.
....but I think I need to start setting myself alarms when I sit down to play Minecraft with her. x.x
Friday, February 4, 2011
Cliche Much?
Time flies when you're having fun.
Or when you're busy. Or distracted. Generally, time just flies any time you're actively doing anything, be it gaming to excitement or just homework or trying to organize papers and music and dig things out so I can refresh myself before getting them into their proper places. That was kind of tonight. Given this fact, I wound up behind on the writing of this, among other things, I was meant to do for the amazing, the stupendous, the extra-wondrous kitten herself- which was a part of this list of time fly-y things I had set up. Of course, I was grumbly about not getting responses until Sunday, as I was anticipating her not being back until about time we would intend to sleep tomorrow night.
But, her work has been being poopy lately, and among a frustrating (and apparently hilarious all the same) day, she got a shift she wasn't scheduled for, but should have been. And wasn't interested in waiting around to see if she got lucky tomorrow.
Which is fantastic- but I wasn't done the writing for her! D:
And thus goes the story of this day, a tale of mustrightquicklywanttobeabletocajoleresponsesoutbeforebed.
And they all lived happily ever after.
Or when you're busy. Or distracted. Generally, time just flies any time you're actively doing anything, be it gaming to excitement or just homework or trying to organize papers and music and dig things out so I can refresh myself before getting them into their proper places. That was kind of tonight. Given this fact, I wound up behind on the writing of this, among other things, I was meant to do for the amazing, the stupendous, the extra-wondrous kitten herself- which was a part of this list of time fly-y things I had set up. Of course, I was grumbly about not getting responses until Sunday, as I was anticipating her not being back until about time we would intend to sleep tomorrow night.
But, her work has been being poopy lately, and among a frustrating (and apparently hilarious all the same) day, she got a shift she wasn't scheduled for, but should have been. And wasn't interested in waiting around to see if she got lucky tomorrow.
Which is fantastic- but I wasn't done the writing for her! D:
And thus goes the story of this day, a tale of mustrightquicklywanttobeabletocajoleresponsesoutbeforebed.
And they all lived happily ever after.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Suprise!
Exams!
I knew these were coming, but somehow they still felt like they snuck up on me. So early in the semester- two exams back to back. Despite that, I feel like I had a pretty decent performance on each of them, and am looking forward to seeing exactly how I did. I also got a reminder of how these classes are senior classes today, as I learned all about my semester project for another one. Lots of semester long projects. Fortunately, none look absurd or over the top. It might as well be lots of little assignments- it just sounds more intimidating somehow if they make it one big thing stretched over all that time instead of lots of little ones.
It DOES put a good light on the rest of the semester though. I figure if I do decently on exams in the wth beginning stages of the semester, the ones later on shouldn't be too bad at all, long as I keep up on work and study, right?
Additionally, I'm planning to meet with the counselor tomorrow and see if we can get to know each other a little, though I'm not really counting on a "babble whatever comes to mind and get everything off my chest" type thing for a couple weeks at least. Getting my head together with learning services to see what we can manage that way. And I'm also hoping for a meeting with Food Services by Monday; not only can I work weekends or evenings with them, even if I would have preferred a desk job, but I'm told they're frequently hiring- and pay a decent amount over minimum wage.
Let's cross our fingers on that one.
I knew these were coming, but somehow they still felt like they snuck up on me. So early in the semester- two exams back to back. Despite that, I feel like I had a pretty decent performance on each of them, and am looking forward to seeing exactly how I did. I also got a reminder of how these classes are senior classes today, as I learned all about my semester project for another one. Lots of semester long projects. Fortunately, none look absurd or over the top. It might as well be lots of little assignments- it just sounds more intimidating somehow if they make it one big thing stretched over all that time instead of lots of little ones.
It DOES put a good light on the rest of the semester though. I figure if I do decently on exams in the wth beginning stages of the semester, the ones later on shouldn't be too bad at all, long as I keep up on work and study, right?
Additionally, I'm planning to meet with the counselor tomorrow and see if we can get to know each other a little, though I'm not really counting on a "babble whatever comes to mind and get everything off my chest" type thing for a couple weeks at least. Getting my head together with learning services to see what we can manage that way. And I'm also hoping for a meeting with Food Services by Monday; not only can I work weekends or evenings with them, even if I would have preferred a desk job, but I'm told they're frequently hiring- and pay a decent amount over minimum wage.
Let's cross our fingers on that one.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Distractions
Pleasant distractions. <3
Nights are my times with kitten. They're also when I tend to write these. Since, you know. It's difficult to get up in the morning, pull open the blog, and write "AND SO SHALL MY DAY GO, AS IT IS WRITTEN, SO SHALL IT BEEEEEEEEE".
Much as that'd be sweet.
So I keep forgetting this sucker, which by this point is practically its own topic. My thought is; why not make it one? I need to remember to do it more, and really enjoy the thing. So clearly I need a way to remind myself in the middle of my fun nights, or busy ones, to stop and do this blog real quick. I can think about it during the day, but usually I'm too distracted by the time I actually remember to make myself do it. So. Ideas. What steps do I take to make sure it becomes a part of my regularly scheduled programming, and not that thing I cram in?
Food for thought.
It'll do me some good if any of tomorrow's classes turn out snore-worthy.
Nights are my times with kitten. They're also when I tend to write these. Since, you know. It's difficult to get up in the morning, pull open the blog, and write "AND SO SHALL MY DAY GO, AS IT IS WRITTEN, SO SHALL IT BEEEEEEEEE".
Much as that'd be sweet.
So I keep forgetting this sucker, which by this point is practically its own topic. My thought is; why not make it one? I need to remember to do it more, and really enjoy the thing. So clearly I need a way to remind myself in the middle of my fun nights, or busy ones, to stop and do this blog real quick. I can think about it during the day, but usually I'm too distracted by the time I actually remember to make myself do it. So. Ideas. What steps do I take to make sure it becomes a part of my regularly scheduled programming, and not that thing I cram in?
Food for thought.
It'll do me some good if any of tomorrow's classes turn out snore-worthy.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
D:
"D:"
"D:"
"Does that say-?"
"D:"
"'I'll now proceed to pleasure myself with this fish'."
"D:"
"D:"
"D:"
"D:"
"...you know, I think I think he might have been shooting for the whole thing with my screenname and..."
"...goddammit [redacted]."
Because somehow I imagine people who find images like that might not complain about maintaining a bit of anonymity afterwards.
So today was a passable day. Weather is driving me a little nuts, but I guess that's okay. Today we had a two hour delay which seemed to take a great deal of pride in ironically waking me up over an hours earlier than I would have been up had there been no delay. All morning, I proceeded to see exactly no snow or signs of bad weather whatsoever, and be confused about the delay, awesome as it was. And now this evening, it's started raining, and the rain is freezing not long at all after it lands. I spent a half the walk to the cafe and back getting soaked. I spent the other half skating in my apparently now treadless sneakers.
I wonder when that happened.
Kitty also got sicker! D:
And then healthier! :D
I think? :O
We'll find out by mid afternoon tomorrow I suspect just what sort of a turn its taking, but the new fever at least seemed to break. I've been trying to give her light advice for babying herself, but I mostly want to administer them myself. I am a greedy fishy.
Additionally, we watched Memoirs of Geisha together today, and the culture of them has a striking resemblance to where several of her characters come from. I imagine I'll have fun figuring out all the implications and connections tomorrow after I have some sleep.
's all for tonight folks.
"D:"
"Does that say-?"
"D:"
"'I'll now proceed to pleasure myself with this fish'."
"D:"
"D:"
"D:"
"D:"
"...you know, I think I think he might have been shooting for the whole thing with my screenname and..."
"...goddammit [redacted]."
Because somehow I imagine people who find images like that might not complain about maintaining a bit of anonymity afterwards.
So today was a passable day. Weather is driving me a little nuts, but I guess that's okay. Today we had a two hour delay which seemed to take a great deal of pride in ironically waking me up over an hours earlier than I would have been up had there been no delay. All morning, I proceeded to see exactly no snow or signs of bad weather whatsoever, and be confused about the delay, awesome as it was. And now this evening, it's started raining, and the rain is freezing not long at all after it lands. I spent a half the walk to the cafe and back getting soaked. I spent the other half skating in my apparently now treadless sneakers.
I wonder when that happened.
Kitty also got sicker! D:
And then healthier! :D
I think? :O
We'll find out by mid afternoon tomorrow I suspect just what sort of a turn its taking, but the new fever at least seemed to break. I've been trying to give her light advice for babying herself, but I mostly want to administer them myself. I am a greedy fishy.
Additionally, we watched Memoirs of Geisha together today, and the culture of them has a striking resemblance to where several of her characters come from. I imagine I'll have fun figuring out all the implications and connections tomorrow after I have some sleep.
's all for tonight folks.
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