You know the feeling you get after a long day, when you want to vegetate in front of the TV? Never what I want to do, but for most, I figure that's it, it seems to be how my family functions. When your brain starts to shut down and doesn't want to move of compute the things you show it. That's where I feel like I am. It doesn't happen every night, or even most nights, at least not enough to complain of, but I really ,really don't like it. And it's happening tonight. It could be that I've spent most of the day working, but I like to think that can be done like this without the brain resisting functioning further. Perhaps it's how I'm handling something. In any case, I do think I want to hit the sack decently early tonight and take the melatonin. Don't want to wake up at 5-something again, though I suppose tomorrow that'd be okay as long as I stayed up. Come to think of it, maybe sleep interruptions have to do with it. Not sleeping soundly, lacking staying power to do the entire day instead of just the greater chunk, which I do manage okay.
Today I saw the counselor. It was mostly a background check, running questions of how I saw myself, what my family was like, the very basics. I went with it, and tried to tangent (responsibly) to give her a feel of how my mind runs around things. I figure I can't shield her too much from the chaos or it'll sorta kill the point. This is supposed to help me self-analyze and relax/put my thoughts in order, right? Isn't that what a therapist is for?
She at least seems generally understanding and patient. It's a nice change of pace- a lot of people I know really honestly want to help, but most are strongly biased by their own life experiences or preferences or impatient, and give advice I know is bad from the get go because they don't stop long enough to see that they're offering vicarious solutions, rather than really giving me help. At least that's how it feels sometimes. I don't blame them for it, but that's how it seems. People are people, and not everyone can stop and internalize things the way Tabi and I tend to. Probably more productive not doing so, like I'd probably be if I didn't... but I know I'd feel dissatisfied and curious and bored if I tried to stop. I may be lazy, but there's always more than a top layer, and there's always some way that they fit together. It's fun to take a glance and try to get a general idea of the way things work.
Maybe that's part of my problem. I never get that interest in really truly, deeply understanding the depths of one single thing or system. I like to learn the basics of all of them if I can. Which you'd think could offer a lot of good use, but it doesn't really seem to carry much of a job market. Granted, my best skillset seems to be helping others get the most out of their own as a kind of... I dunno, more team-leader than manager, I guess. And generally I think those just wind up being whoever steps up, in a group of people with a relevant expertise. Because why pay some Joe Shmoe without any hard, impressive proof he can help you, right? Just push the people you have to fill in that job slot. I wonder if it works as well that way. Or if they really do hire people just for that. I suppose I should check it out. Shame I never feel satisfied with job descriptions when I try and figure out what a job entails.
Anywho. That's my line of thought. It went well, and got some things off my chest (nothing I haven't talked about with Tabi a hundred times, but extra ears I guess) and got me considering that kind of stuff.
Points of excitement for today: Tabi seriously looks like she's getting that new job, with significant ups in pay, much less driving, and more hours! Plus it's something she loves. Fantastic. <3
Also, Four Days~
...I should really be able to write that without wanting to bounce in my seat.
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