Today feels like it's been a long day.

I've gotten my work done, but it's about all I've accomplished today. I got posts up for Tabi earlier in the day, before she left to shop and head home. After that, I spent the rest of the day working. I'm done everything for tomorrow. I need to spend a lot of time reviewing tomorrow, but not study so much work and hard production stuff. I just wish I felt like I was productive. I'm working, and moving forward. But today, I feel more like it's all walking in place than going anywhere. I know why I'm working, and I know I accomplish some, but every time I do I just wind up feeling like whatever I've finished hasn't gotten me any closer to anything.

Why is that? Why do I feel so discouraged and helpless?

And Tabi lifted my mood so easy earlier, but it's like trying to work on things since, and feeling like I've done something wrong and am being cold shouldered... she was in the game when I checked it to see if that's why she was being so quiet, but I couldn't even get her to give me more than one word, disinterested feeling answers there. I know she's feeling bad, and I'm desperately wanting to help, but nothing seems to work. And I feel like she's taking it out on me, almost like my intention of aiding her is making it worse, or her angrier.

I've felt sadder, lonelier, angrier, and more hurt than I do now. It's happened when things go wrong with our relationship or with something in one of our lives. I've always learned that we can work through it. Sometimes she's mocked me for not taking her worries seriously. And given how my chest often aches when something bothers her so, and how I tell her about it, fuss, worry, try and look over her, I don't understand why she keeps thinking it that way. And maybe I have taken light, quick fixes to many problems- usually the ones that there is no hard, real feeling, permanent solution for. There is no magic wand to fix our moods permanently, there is nothing but what I've been doing, slowly moving forward, to get me down there to August and helping to make our home and settle in. And so many times, it feels like our moods or worries, and fights, are our worst enemies. A quick fix to a quick problem so often sets us back on course where we started- moving forward and fixing those. I know this, I've seen how Tabi can shut herself down when she's in the dumps, and what amazing things she's capable of when she sets herself to it. I don't nearly measure up, but I know I cross a spectrum likewise. It's worked to get us this far, and shows no reason of failing.

So why does today feel so bleak?