Somewhere

I'm back at the old house again.

But now, I'm not really sure when I say home- do I mean here, or do I mean back where Tabi is holding down the fort? Hell, do I just mean with her? The internet is a little buggy tonight, which is mostly just reminiscent of what I've been dealing with- so it's not as though it bothers me right now. But work is slow anyway.

I'm missing my kitten. I have lots of warm thoughts at the moment though, and fun plans. The summers... always seem exciting instead of dreary like new semesters do. I'll need to poke after work tomorrow, but I have other things to worry about.

Tomorrow I need to talk to my folks about the plan.

I think I remember a bunch of the facts about the plan. But I'm frightened. I don't want to hurt them. I don't want the lectures and panic and disappointment. But I need to take some big next steps. It's hard because... I want their help, and I want them to be a part of my life. But I don't know how to keep them from being afraid when I do that, or making them understand my decisions. They've understood so little until now... why should I be able to make breakthroughs now?

I understand them more and more all the time.

But they've yet to acknowledge any understanding or appreciation of my depression or anything else. Just getting over it... hasn't been working. I think it's been getting worse slowly. And I have to do something about it, take those first big steps from life as their kid to life as an adult. Still their son- but taking things into my own hands.

That's frightening too. But I want it all the same.

Go figure- I do like horror movies after all.

I hope my kitten sleeps tight. I do miss her, but I have happy thoughts of her right now, and they're keeping me cozy feeling tonight. I hope I can do the same for her, even from here.