Somedays it's hard go get going. Momentum can just be hard to pick up sometimes.

And I dunno what it is, but a lot of times it seems to have to do with other people. It can be fairly easy to get myself up and doing things or excited, as much as I frequently do best with friends who know to be gentle when motivating me to do new things with them. I can be a bit skiddish otherwise, and only take a random chance here and again. I'm getting better certainly but not necessarily good. In any case, momentum is easy to get going on your own. Some people even motivate me, though I think by my nature sooner or later... I need time alone to unwind, whether it be writing or reading or games or naps or poking at random objects and thoughts for no purpose. That time along is great for recharging sometimes.

Time with kitten seems good for this. As long as I can get the time here and there to stop and check out my readings or write something, the kind of space that we know we'll both need now and again as soon as it stops feeling like we have little time together before one leaves again.

Unfortunately, I don't get it at home.

My room is now the go to place for doing work for my family. The basement is the entertainment center for the TV. My sister's room is still hers. The living room is where the kitchen and chores and mess are. The only other rooms are bathrooms, and my parent's bedroom.

Essentially, privacy is impossible in my own house. Even if I just want to read a book... I can't even guarantee I can get a solid half an hour of doing that without an interruption. And that's a problem. The thing is, that is a distraction. In my peripheral, and not knowing if they're going to start asking into things or interrupt or be noisy. They're fun,  and I love them. I love spending time with them.

But I don't know how I ever survived not being able to spend time by myself.

Or rather, I do; I used to be able to. It's just not a possibility anymore, and after college I'm more used to it and less tolerant of it all. I can't control it either because I don't have a space that's my own.

It's really a good thing I'm moving.

But even with that in mind, I think I need to forcibly move the family computer down stairs to the public room and the router before I move away for good, so when I visit there won't be the issue of my only semblance of a personal space being among the most used instances of shared property that my parents refuse to acknowledge is so or disruptive because it never used to be, and I begin to think that as cool as they can be they're rather change phobic.

Also, the fact that they tend to disturb my sleep a lot getting up at 5 or so when I have no reason to do so, so if I want to get up early and not sleep until noon to make up for it I might as well get up at 5.



I know I sound like a crabby old man, but I suppose that's a part of me not having control. Which means I'm gonna have to create some soon and start setting my own rules down around here, even if I'm not the man of the house or the like.

It'll be nice when this is a place I come for visits and get to act like an honored guest. Maybe. That IS how you treat long-gone family, right? The idea of moving out and only visiting back just grows more and more appealing as I analyze what it is that makes it hard for me to concentrate here.