Today: Mixed Results.

Tabi was distraught earlier, and then quite unhappy at work. She's been a bit bored, and tired, and not feeling well. Physically, which has of course had effects on her mood. This of course diminishes my satisfaction with my day. Part of what I want is for her to be happy, and for us to get to spend our time together doing enjoyable things.

On the upside, I've gotten some good thinking in today. I've tried to write it up several times. No luck whatsoever. I never got my nap, so that has to do with it. It's very frustrating.

Research went well however. I did not get off, as requested, but found many things that excited me... and many that turned me off. It's an interesting contrast and play on between the two. A lot of the attitude is exactly the same and it does a great deal for it. But what defines the line of what I find to be offensive or disconcerting, and what is very arousing, especially taking into account that the arousing is at times a bit shocking or beyond what I would have supposed my limits to be normally myself?

Working out went okay. It felt good to start with. Being tired in general meant crashing at the end brought me down hard though. Body and brain went to exhaustion together. It's a good thing to get to, if to get good sleep. Unfortunately the need for that sleep hit me earlier than I was able to go to sleep. I had other things to do.

Now. I believe I'm getting the hang of sexual tortures and tasks a bit more for kitten. And I enjoy the micromanagement that counting things puts into her day. But counting alone is clearly not enough. The counting and then writing escalated too quickly. It needs another activity to go with it. Counting is not nearly enough though. I need other tasks for her to carry out during the things she does for her day. Things that can both push her enough to really let me enjoy the tasks, and to keep her mind from going places it should not. To keep it focused on me. Unfortunately a great deal of my studying resources so far seem sexual in orientation. It is a bit difficult to build these punishments around sex when they have to be carried out in public. However, there are obvious ways that one can get around that. Small, silent insertions. Different states of undies.Short periods alone. The trick is if I go that angle... to think deep enough into it to not only spice it up, but make it so distracting she can't not have to fight it to do her tasks.

It can't be easy.

I've done too much letting things be easy, and she's told me over and over she needs challenge.

So. I'm just going to have to start finding ways to be difficult until it becomes challenging.

Sounds like a plan. And hopefully it'll sound fun in the morning, at least so much as it does now.